In my most recent episode of band of brothers there was an incredible moment where one of the lads was screaming 'why am I here? Why am I fighting this war?' at a lot of german soliders who had just surrended. he used a lot worse language but it made me think.
On Sunday -
I was meant to be doing a bible study but some people couldn't be bothered. They had other things to think over. Things that mattered more apparently. They didn't realise that one of the answers to the questions that we were meant to be looking at was the solution to there problem all along.
I was meant to pray but people did not think it mattered anymore.
This broke my heart.
It made me question the point in trying to teach people stuff if they 'can’t be bothered' to learn about it? It made me question what I was doing and my reasons for doing it.
I criticised the youth work at GBC a lot last year which was very wrong of me. I did not have the facts and i passed up all the good that is there. I realised how hypocritical i was in this and if I hurt anyone im so sorry for that. I wanted the opportunity to grow, learn and be challenged but when I got it I didn't make the most of it. I realised that the more you put into it the more you get out.
A lot of the time we are so quick to criticise we forget about the people who put the effort into it. like the hours of prep work that go in to it and the kindhearted people that are willing to teach even when I am difficult. I thought about my own recent senerio's why bother? If people dont give a damn (sorry for language) and can't be bothered then why should I give up my time and my energy to give them the opportunitys that they want. that they asked for, when they can't be bothered to use them. so why bother? Why do it when I could be doing stuff and teaching people who actually want to learn who can actually be bothered.
Jesus once told a man to sell everything he had in order to glorify him. This man sulked away. he felt unable to complete the task that Jesus had set for him. He couldn't be bothered. His possessions meant more to him. I wonder whether Jesus wondered why he bothered?
Then I remembered why:-
In the band of brothers episode, they discovered a concentration camp and liberated it. That is why they went to war. To Make things better for those who were in alwful situations.
My first reason is to bring God Glory, so that people will worship him. So that people will get to know him. so i can please him because I love him and because he is amazing.
I pray because Its how I talk to my dad. In a recent rainbow sheep issue Jodie talked about having a real, everyday relationship with God I believe that by me praying I get that. (the more I pray the more stuff that happens) Its how I talk to my dad. It doesnt matter how much I screw up or mess up he always sorts it out and amazingly he still wants to talk to me. I pray so I can get more and more of an everyday real relationship with Jesus.
The reason why I read the bible, is because its his word. he speaks through it. He guides me, and tells me what he wants me to do, Its the Past, present and Future of my walk with Jesus. it holds the answers to every single question about life back then and now. i read it because I can get closer to my God.
I believe that doing these things can change your life and I pray that I never pass up the opportunities to do these because I'm tired or can't be bothered or find youtube more interesting.
Another reason why I bother is because I love the kids, I love the young people. I selfishly love it when they come up and hug me and tell me they love me. I love it when I can join in with them and mess about playing stupid games. I love being there for there first boyfriends and seeing them when they overcome there battles. I love seeing how there relationship with Jesus changes. I love helping them and I feel honoured when they come to me for advise or just to chat. I love seeing how they change and how they get more confidence. I love how I am able to cry with them and laugh with them. I love it when they overcome there fear and pray outloud or preach. I love watching there faces light up when they get something right. I love being able to call these people my friends and my family. Thats why I bother because I love them.
Please pray that I don't take my eyes of the reasons of why I do such things. Please pray that my disappointment and annoyance don't overshadow my love for God or for the people I do it for.
(I also hope this blog hasn't upset anyone, I was not written in order to do so but more for prayers for my feelings upon the matter. If it has done I'm truely sorry)
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