Stealing Sophies blog title.
tommorrow I am going to Uganda . I was kinda scared I wouldnt have time to do this. But a huge Thanks to everyone who helped and contributed.
Jodie - thanks for your expert cake making skills
Helen - thanks for shutting up for a day
Homegroup - Legends as always
Jasper - for letting me rant at you when stuff doesnt go to plan
Joshy - For giving me your money
and for everyone else who has been so supportive and kind.
Love you all.
Friday 12 June 2009
Thursday 4 June 2009
Revelation
Is a really hard book of the bible to get your head round.
This post is not really about that specifically, Its more about the past year.
Its kind of amazing really how much God has revealed himself and how much I have discovered about myself in the space of a year.
I usually do a little spiritual thought about the previous year using Soul Survivor as a marker but I find myself thinking about this a lot. in a sense It makes me so happy to be able to see these changes.
I have learnt to check your heart to keep check on the motivations behind why I do things. To make sure the reasons In my head why I am acting/doing something are the same ones as my heart.
I have learnt that I have no Backbone and that I have got a much firmer understanding around my faith (which is God) I have learnt to keep Faith even when the logical answer is in the opposite direction and that i am not as good as I thought I was.
I have learnt that you can have low self-esteem as well as being big headed. I think I have also learnt to accept myself more too.
As well as looking at my past and the world around me from a different perspective than I used too.
I just pray that it continues.
This post is not really about that specifically, Its more about the past year.
Its kind of amazing really how much God has revealed himself and how much I have discovered about myself in the space of a year.
I usually do a little spiritual thought about the previous year using Soul Survivor as a marker but I find myself thinking about this a lot. in a sense It makes me so happy to be able to see these changes.
I have learnt to check your heart to keep check on the motivations behind why I do things. To make sure the reasons In my head why I am acting/doing something are the same ones as my heart.
I have learnt that I have no Backbone and that I have got a much firmer understanding around my faith (which is God) I have learnt to keep Faith even when the logical answer is in the opposite direction and that i am not as good as I thought I was.
I have learnt that you can have low self-esteem as well as being big headed. I think I have also learnt to accept myself more too.
As well as looking at my past and the world around me from a different perspective than I used too.
I just pray that it continues.
Clearing up
Ok this post is for one person particular who was hurt about something I did or more something I didn't so. Im incredibly sorry about that. I acted like a bit of a Prat (a bit of is the understatement of the century)
I dont want to write excuses insteed I Want to clear stuff up.
I didn't tell you for two reasons both are ridiculous and stupid and I feel like a complete plonker for writing this on my blog.
First reason is well because I miss you so much.
I miss our conversations about everything not just about books and movies but about our faith, our parents, how are perspectives are changing. our friendships with people. I miss talking about cheese slicing and about sex. I miss having you come up to me bouncing around like mad being excited over stupid things.
I didnt tell you, well as awlful and as horrible as it is because I wanted you to miss me a bit too. I wanted you to miss me like the way I miss you.
second reason is even more lame
I built (as I always do) a little wall around my freaking out ness. I told precisely 3 people about my accident everyone else found out down to people talking.
Helen, Luke and Jasper. Helen told her mum, then her mum told Abe. then Abe told the pray patrol at church (thats not there name but its catchy and reminds me of a superhero) and the leadership team hence stuart, Steph, And the sheffords finding out. Oh and i announced it at RNA (but it was a party for me that I had just shown up to an hour late crying)
Point being telling people knocked down my little wall that was with holding all my freakingout ness and everything I have been with holding in the last couple of weeks. telling the people I cared about made it harder to hold it in.
Yes, I shouldnt hold it in anyway and yes I would be upset and angry if I was in your shoes so Im sorry. I acted like an Idiot and I was selfish and well a Cow. I should of told you even if that meant an emotional breakdown.
I love you and I hope at some point you forgive me
I dont want to write excuses insteed I Want to clear stuff up.
I didn't tell you for two reasons both are ridiculous and stupid and I feel like a complete plonker for writing this on my blog.
First reason is well because I miss you so much.
I miss our conversations about everything not just about books and movies but about our faith, our parents, how are perspectives are changing. our friendships with people. I miss talking about cheese slicing and about sex. I miss having you come up to me bouncing around like mad being excited over stupid things.
I didnt tell you, well as awlful and as horrible as it is because I wanted you to miss me a bit too. I wanted you to miss me like the way I miss you.
second reason is even more lame
I built (as I always do) a little wall around my freaking out ness. I told precisely 3 people about my accident everyone else found out down to people talking.
Helen, Luke and Jasper. Helen told her mum, then her mum told Abe. then Abe told the pray patrol at church (thats not there name but its catchy and reminds me of a superhero) and the leadership team hence stuart, Steph, And the sheffords finding out. Oh and i announced it at RNA (but it was a party for me that I had just shown up to an hour late crying)
Point being telling people knocked down my little wall that was with holding all my freakingout ness and everything I have been with holding in the last couple of weeks. telling the people I cared about made it harder to hold it in.
Yes, I shouldnt hold it in anyway and yes I would be upset and angry if I was in your shoes so Im sorry. I acted like an Idiot and I was selfish and well a Cow. I should of told you even if that meant an emotional breakdown.
I love you and I hope at some point you forgive me
Monday 1 June 2009
just to clarify...
And just to clarify in my post on my new bucket list.
I basically mean In my life my Aim is to glorify God. In everything. I want him to come first and I only want to want my desires If they please God. Empty things are pointless.
I want God to come first so if such things dont please him. I want to be able to give them up joyfully.
If that makes more sense or less sense I dunno i understand it lol
I basically mean In my life my Aim is to glorify God. In everything. I want him to come first and I only want to want my desires If they please God. Empty things are pointless.
I want God to come first so if such things dont please him. I want to be able to give them up joyfully.
If that makes more sense or less sense I dunno i understand it lol
strange
Im in a good mood today.
today has been a good day for me.
I handed in my last uni essay. Yey
Sunbathed on Jesus Green in Cambridge with a pint in one hand and the grapes of Wrath in the other. Although I was ooogling the men playing football. (sorry)
had a shower (which I realise is quite dull but it was one of those overindulgent hour long showers where you come out all prune like)
I went for drive in my loan car like an awesome one.
and Penny is coming over momentarily. been a good day
My mood is trampled on a bit though a lot of my friends are really struggling at the moment. One has moved back with his family and im not sure when he is coming back. Im kind of lonely without him here which is quite selfish really when he is going through so much. Another friend is so stressed her hair is falling out. I wish I could help them I really do.
Please Pray for these people.
today has been a good day for me.
I handed in my last uni essay. Yey
Sunbathed on Jesus Green in Cambridge with a pint in one hand and the grapes of Wrath in the other. Although I was ooogling the men playing football. (sorry)
had a shower (which I realise is quite dull but it was one of those overindulgent hour long showers where you come out all prune like)
I went for drive in my loan car like an awesome one.
and Penny is coming over momentarily. been a good day
My mood is trampled on a bit though a lot of my friends are really struggling at the moment. One has moved back with his family and im not sure when he is coming back. Im kind of lonely without him here which is quite selfish really when he is going through so much. Another friend is so stressed her hair is falling out. I wish I could help them I really do.
Please Pray for these people.
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