Me and Luke

Me and Luke are annoyed. I know this seems to be a daily event but please pray. We appreciate very much (am with Luke now and yes we realise its 2 in the morning. Its a very Rachel/Luke like thing to do) but please pray for us. that we stop being grumpy and that God guides us.

also please pray for my interview with Soul survivor on Thursday. thank you

Im sorry I am not blogging much (darn PC's that get viruses.) I promise to begin doing it again properly as soon as my computer is all fixed.

Oh and Ann thank you very much for the encouragement, I really appresiate it.

grrrrrrrr

Hi,

just so everyone knows my computer has died. like completely. I cant do uni work or check emails or anything so just a quick note that I cant check emails or facebook or anything so if you want to contact me please do via mobile.

Also please pray for my computer. I feel a bit lost without it. Uni work is non existance and I really need to write my essays. so please pray that I can keep all the current files on my PC and for the machine itself.

Thanks xxx

Stop it

The title for this post is my attempt to stop myself from feeling sorry for myself. God has given me some incredible blessings over the last few days and yes lots is going wrong but I need to keep positive and remember that Im not alone and some of those blessings.

I Know Jesus (always a plus)

I have all my limbs

I have all my senses

I have a Itunes collection of 13gb so I can always find something I am in the mood for

I have a car

I have friends

I get to be a bridesmaid

I have a house with running water and fridge full of food

I have people that I miss (yes I miss people but the reason I do is because I love them)

I have a phone

I have music

I have my art

The view from outside my window

I can read

God is teaching me stuff and im learning things through the pain

I am blessed with the gift of the guys and girlies at Rock Solid

and all the incredible people who continually amaze me from Ignite

I have my health

I get to see U2 in concert

I get to see Elbow in concert

God is blessing my friends (which is awesome)

But most of all I am surrounded by people who Love me, which proberly is second biggest blessing (after God of course)

so really what on earth am I playing at

tonight/today

I'm doing an all nighter with Luke. somehow we are managing to do this on a fortnightly basis. He is such an amazing guy. and such a beautiful person.

Today has been awesome I got asked to be a bridesmaid, and found out im going to go and see U2 and elbow in concert with Jasper. (so excited) plus had rna so always a bonus.

I also found out that my uncle is getting worse.

for those of you who dont know he is currently in hospital dying. I felt quite bad at the fact that previous to tonight I didnt really mind. I know how alwful that is. I mean I havent seen him since I was 10 so I was not really upset. I was more worried about my dad and the rest of my family. 3 people we currently know are on there death beds (sorry its such an alwful expression but I didnt know what else to write) and this sunday its the anniversary of my grandpa's death so emotions are on high anyway.

I asked to pray about it at the end of rna tonight which we did but something jeremy said hit me.

He asked me whether my uncle was a christian and whether anyone was witnessing to him.

my answer was no and I dont know. I feel alwful. this man is going to hell. Its bad enough that he has missed out on such a liberating, whole life by not knowing jesus but this man is dying and is likely to go to hell all because I tell him.

I feel guilty about this. I feel bad. I wonder whether i should drive up to Northampton and talk to this man who is unconsious at the moment. should I go and tell him about the gospel? does he know Jesus loves him? can he make a descision like that while unconsious? If I don't will this be hanging over my head? Has anyone else ever told him?

Tonight in 15 minutes Im driving Penny down to Gatwick airport to put her on a plane for 3 weeks while she goes to morrocco to build bridges and stuff but should i be driving in the opposite direction? north insteed of south. Im so blimbing confused. I leave stuff to the last minute but this is insane. We thought he was going to die on Wednesday. If I don't go and he dies I will feel guilty, If I do I at least know i tried. I know it shouldn't be a factor but my family would murder me if they found me doing that. what the hell should i do? (wrong use of words) Why haven't I spoken to him about it sooner? Why did I never tell him about Jesus?

do you ever wonder why?

Do you ever wonder why you bother?

In my most recent episode of band of brothers there was an incredible moment where one of the lads was screaming 'why am I here? Why am I fighting this war?' at a lot of german soliders who had just surrended. he used a lot worse language but it made me think.

On Sunday -


I was meant to be doing a bible study but some people couldn't be bothered. They had other things to think over. Things that mattered more apparently. They didn't realise that one of the answers to the questions that we were meant to be looking at was the solution to there problem all along.

I was meant to pray but people did not think it mattered anymore.



This broke my heart.


It made me question the point in trying to teach people stuff if they 'can’t be bothered' to learn about it? It made me question what I was doing and my reasons for doing it.


I criticised the youth work at GBC a lot last year which was very wrong of me. I did not have the facts and i passed up all the good that is there. I realised how hypocritical i was in this and if I hurt anyone im so sorry for that. I wanted the opportunity to grow, learn and be challenged but when I got it I didn't make the most of it. I realised that the more you put into it the more you get out.

A lot of the time we are so quick to criticise we forget about the people who put the effort into it. like the hours of prep work that go in to it and the kindhearted people that are willing to teach even when I am difficult. I thought about my own recent senerio's why bother? If people dont give a damn (sorry for language) and can't be bothered then why should I give up my time and my energy to give them the opportunitys that they want. that they asked for, when they can't be bothered to use them. so why bother? Why do it when I could be doing stuff and teaching people who actually want to learn who can actually be bothered.

Jesus once told a man to sell everything he had in order to glorify him. This man sulked away. he felt unable to complete the task that Jesus had set for him. He couldn't be bothered. His possessions meant more to him. I wonder whether Jesus wondered why he bothered?


Then I remembered why:-

In the band of brothers episode, they discovered a concentration camp and liberated it. That is why they went to war. To Make things better for those who were in alwful situations.

My first reason is to bring God Glory, so that people will worship him. So that people will get to know him. so i can please him because I love him and because he is amazing.

I pray because Its how I talk to my dad. In a recent rainbow sheep issue Jodie talked about having a real, everyday relationship with God I believe that by me praying I get that. (the more I pray the more stuff that happens) Its how I talk to my dad. It doesnt matter how much I screw up or mess up he always sorts it out and amazingly he still wants to talk to me. I pray so I can get more and more of an everyday real relationship with Jesus.

The reason why I read the bible, is because its his word. he speaks through it. He guides me, and tells me what he wants me to do, Its the Past, present and Future of my walk with Jesus. it holds the answers to every single question about life back then and now. i read it because I can get closer to my God.

I believe that doing these things can change your life and I pray that I never pass up the opportunities to do these because I'm tired or can't be bothered or find youtube more interesting.

Another reason why I bother is because I love the kids, I love the young people. I selfishly love it when they come up and hug me and tell me they love me. I love it when I can join in with them and mess about playing stupid games. I love being there for there first boyfriends and seeing them when they overcome there battles. I love seeing how there relationship with Jesus changes. I love helping them and I feel honoured when they come to me for advise or just to chat. I love seeing how they change and how they get more confidence. I love how I am able to cry with them and laugh with them. I love it when they overcome there fear and pray outloud or preach. I love watching there faces light up when they get something right. I love being able to call these people my friends and my family. Thats why I bother because I love them.

Please pray that I don't take my eyes of the reasons of why I do such things. Please pray that my disappointment and annoyance don't overshadow my love for God or for the people I do it for.

(I also hope this blog hasn't upset anyone, I was not written in order to do so but more for prayers for my feelings upon the matter. If it has done I'm truely sorry)

ekkkkkkkkkk

Today I was asked to be one of Emilys Bridesmaids.

I said yes

I have worked out this means I have to wear a dress but I dont care. I get to share this amazing day with one of my closest friends and do all the cheesy stuff. she did it via a card in the post (which was lovely as its such a lovely thing to keep) I phoned her up so we could do the girly squelling stuff and jumping around my kitchen. reminds me of when she got engaged (officially) and when she told me that her and paul where getting married (unoffically) i nearly crashed my car. Im so excited I have to wear a purple dress. but I dont care. its a dress but eeekkkk.

I guess what the incoherent babble above talks about is the fact that I feel really honoured to be asked and I love her to pieces and can not wait to be able to share such a beautiful moment with her.

Joys from Childhood

A list of some of the coolest things I did/read/ate/watched when I was a kid (and still occassionally do)



- make a den in a woods somewhere

- Ronald Dahl books (no one can beat Fantastic Mr Fox)

- 1p sweets that actually cost a penny

- Etch 'a' sketches

- Each Peach Pear Plum

- Original disney Classics (none of this home on the range rubbish)

- Playdays

- Transformers (the orginal cartoon series)

- Blossom, Saved by the Bell, Brotherly love, different strokes, hang time - none of this modern rubbish

- POG's

- sharkie and George

- original pinkie and the brain

- football games in the road

- spending more time at my neighbours house than my own

- having a waterslide in the back garden

- water fights (inside the house)


-making dens inside the house with sheets using books and stools to prop it up


- Buffy (I was so in love with Xander)

- Laying in until 11

- The Spicegirls (Came out orginally in 1996 I was 8)

Band of Brothers

I do the lovefilm thing where I pay certain amount every month and then get movies sent to me on rental. I truely recommend it. I have ended up saving fortunes. I now can resist my urges to go into my overdraft when I go to Tesco and see the shining for £3.

I have recently been getting the Band of Brother series. Basically you follow a company of america airbourne soldiers and watch there advenures during World War two.

I know you shouldn't have favourites but I do. I guess the really shocking thing about the series is you watch them for 12 episodes and your glued to it to find out out of all these amazing characters who will make it until the end and the thing is you have no idea.

It is not like a thriller or a crime mystery. You can't work out the end. Its one of the most heart-renching, tense and surprisingly beautiful series I have seen in a long time. The way

(I say Beautiful because the teamwork, family and love these men have for one another is inspirational)

Its recommended greatly!!!!

wooooo

essay - 2166 words done only another 944 left.

Then I have 4 essays left and a debate and Im done until September wooooooooooooooooooo (as amazing as that is the debate things are huge. (stage is there and everything) and al the essays are like 3500 words odd about painstakingly dull subjects so its not all optimism, but yey nearly done. blatently going to curl up tonight with a good movie and a glass of wine.

I went for a drive

Today i went for a drive I was thinking about when you are little you get excited at the fact there are horses in a field or stars in the sky or a tractor. you ask that old lady walking past to stroke her dog or beg your mum for sweeties in the shop. (I used to sneek them in the trolley when she wasnt looking) Do you remember when the greatest day of your life was when your mum let you go to the park by yourself? or how exciting and how much fun it was when you first drove your car (or bike for those who cant drive yet)

When did that stop? when you hear stuff a lot or see things nearly everyday do you just get used to it so you pass up the wonder in it? Because it happens everyday you stop getting excited about such things.

I was wondering whether this could relate to Where Jesus tells us to be like little children. (Mark 10 v13-16)

I pray I never get so used to the everyday that I stop getting excited over the little things.

I want to be like you

I want to be like Jasper for his Brains
Or like Charlie’s for her perceptive skills
Or like Emily for her Faith
Or like Roseanna for her Guts
Or like Jodie for her Organisation
Or like Helen for her Spark
Or be as wise as Luke
Or to be like Abe for his Leadership skills
Or to be as beautiful as Penny
Or to have self-discipline like my mum
Or AJ’s Honesty
Or Rachel’s ability to withstand the knocks that keep being thrown at her
Or my brothers Charisma

I was listening to I want to be just like you (sorry not the Disney version) Here are some of the lyrics

“Got to admit I've got so far to goMake so many mistakes and I'm sure that You knowSometimes it seems no matter how hard I tryWith all the pressures in life I just can't get it all right”
The song talks about the pressures of life. This week I have put all my pressures aside and still I can’t get it right.

I was told ages ago that I was my own worse critic, but to be honest I don’t criticise myself enough. What an Amazing beautiful God that can forgive and Love this great big mess.

I like a guy (see earlier post) or more I thought I did but when it came down the crunch time of it I realised that it was nothing more than me trying to fill up my only loneliness. I don’t want a relationship like that. I don’t want to be in one just purely to satisfy my own needs.

Next thing is I either can’t stop eating or I don’t at all. Both extremities are not exactly ideal. I’m trying to satisfy my hunger for something more something greater.

So what’s the answer? God should be enough for me. I say should because at the moment I’m continually wanting. I’m not content or happy with what God has given me. I shouldn’t want to be like my friends and loved ones. I shouldn’t want so much food or a guy just purely because I am not satisfied fully. I shouldn’t want to look like Penny or Pretend to be someone or something that I’m not.

I should accept and celebrate in the fact that I don’t have the same abilities that my friends have or if I do have similar abilities he hasn’t given me them to the same degree. I even know why that is. Its because of the fact God has shaped me differently to them to achieve different things for him. I should celebrate in that not feel disappointed or envious.

Please pray that I Throw away all this unhelpful and negetive thoughts, idea's and wants so my eyes can stay just on him.

Five year olds are smart

so I have stolen this from soul survivor magazine. If you dont read it you should here are some inspirational stories.

In the city dump of Tegucigalpa in Honduras live hundreds of people who depend on the rubbish generated by wealthier people to survive. With a serious reputation for being a dangerous spot, you wouldn’t want to be caught in the area for too long.So what would you do if you found yourself staring into that dump? What sort of stuff would run through your mind as you watched the hundreds of children rummaging through the foul smelling mounds of rotten food and broken glass?

This is the situation Jeony Ordonez found himself in. Being with his five year old daughter, Chris, he figured it was safest to just get out of the area altogether. Sounds sensible……His daughter didn’t think so. She wanted to pray for the other children.

A few weeks later, on returning to the dump with her Dad, Chris (still five years old remember) was convinced God wanted her and her family to do something: she urged her father to put their prayers for these children into action.And so it began. One small girl, a few small words, a little prayer and the lives of all involved are changed.

For the next six months the Ordonez family visited the dump community every day to build relationships and trust. After a while they started to provide education for the children of the dump and soon they started afternoon school classes right amongst the ‘rubbish’.

Four years later and the ‘Love and Faith’ school brings the hope of a brighter future to 75 dump children and their families. They are just about to move in to their first covered classroom in a site just outside the dump, and a growing number of kids and their families are encountering Jesus as part of the local church where Jeony is Pastor.

Just one prayer translated into action… that’s all just see what can happen.

bored

essays are boring!!!!!!!! only another 5 and a half assignments left and im done until september. so bored!!!!!! cant really complain Im learning a lot about New Labour and PCT's and what measures were taken to intergrate health care and social care in regards to mental illness. Ok that is rather dull.

Stealing from AJ

Abbi did this and I decided to try it myself. SLightly gutted at the fact that Bridget Jones made the top 100 whats up with that...

So..here are the top 100 books that must be read (and a * by the ones I have read/am currently reading so far!!)

1.Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen*
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien* (I have read the first one, never got round to the others)
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling *
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee*
6 The Bible *
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte *
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell *
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens*
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott *
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare * (some... sure I havent read all of it)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien*
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk*
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger*
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger*
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald *
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams*
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck*
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll *
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis *
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen *
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis *
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini*
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden *
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne *
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell*
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown *
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding*
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan*
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel*
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen*
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zifon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon*
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck *
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold*
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding*
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville*
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker *
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett*
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson*
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno - Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell*
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker*
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White *
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom *
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad *
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks *
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams *
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas*
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare *
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factoy - Roald Dahl*
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Ok not quite half way 47 plus- the Lord of the rings one too. If your like me and just trying to procastinate give it a go.

hmm

So as you can proberly tell uni essay writing isn't going to well.

I haven't left it to the last minute which hopefully means I have learnt my lesson (thank you God)

I have a friend who is not exactly living as God would want her too. We have sat down and talked about it but still she continues to do it.

I felt hurt and disappointed at the fact that my friend struggles so much with it and that it continues. I know and I understand her motivation behind it but I still feel hurt. It made me question a lot of things.

Do I have a right to be hurt? Why am I feeling hurt?

I then thought about the times I have disappointed people and hurt them, how upset and annoyed I get for hurting the people I care about. Does she feel the same?

What about God in all this? Sometimes he seems distance? sometimes he seem's far away and like he is not listening? but How many times do we break his heart? How many times do we not care? How many times do we hide behind our excuses and our insecurities and end up disappointing him? How many times are we tired? or we make him the last thought in the day?

I know most of you have heard it all before (in fact I think all of you have) but When we do right Gods sings over us. we make him so happy he sings. (Zephaniah 3 v 18) We can do a lot wrong but with Gods help we can do some good too.

My friend Mim gave me this analogy about how god can use us.

A dad has a young son. he brings home a flatpack wardrobe (possibly IKEA) for the Son's bedroom. The Dad could put together the wardrobe in two seconds flat. He doesn't need help doing it. He has put together things like this countless times.

He realises that It will take him a lot longer but he decides to let his son help build it. He guides his son through the instructions, through putting the base together and assembling the doors.

The Son now an Adult (and a Carpenter) remembers putting that wardrobe together with his dad. remembers how to put a base together and how to assemble the doors. The dad didn't need his sons help, he wanted it.

so my weeks been dull

Majorly. I have been so lazy but more about that later. Im annoyed at myself and Im going to babble about it in a bit.

Highlights have been -

Sleeping in until 4
Rocksolid (which is usually a highlight tbh)
Talking to Jasper on the phone,
Talking to Emily on the phone,
Having the guys at Rocksolid show me there favourite bibleverse's
Seeing the Sunset today
Did a bible study on Revelations, (Very confusing but my head is getting around it... ish)
Filling in my missiondirect form
Seeing an Irish band
A possible chance to go and see U2 in Concert (so Excited!!!!!)
Bones
Dancing around my room to Blondie
writing 3000 word essay (or more attempting too)
Facebook Stalking
Meeting with Luke (which followed with MacDonalds)
Discovering that on FX they have Buffy reruns on everyday
Getting a very encouraging text message from Gemma
Having a Godly moment with the joys of youtube
Hearing Helens Voice (via voicemail as both of us so far have failed to reach the other one when they havent been doing something) Love you though x
Getting a larger overdraft (wooooo)

Ok so now after doing that, I retract by Title statement.

Its been a good week full of Gods blessings.

I haven't gone hungry, I haven't been struck down by disease, nor has anyone died. (which I feel is a definate bonus) Praise God for that!!!

check this out

watched this at a ridiculous time but its amazing. hope it encourages all who watch it. had me praising my king!!!

http://www.tangle.com/view_video.php?viewkey=572b18853b3948570fad

if that doesn't work go to tangle and type in the search bar thats my king. click the first one

Random

Check out the band called rush of fools. I really quite like them!!!! I get to see Laura tommorrow and I had an amazing weekend with the guys from Rock Solid.

I really wish it didnt have to end. I had so much fun with them all. I would not say that its better than Recharge but It was different. different enviornment, different themes and different things to get out of it.

I got pushed over in the mud at least 5000000 times and I actually think I spent the whole weekend laughing. When asked what our favourite bit was I can honestly say I dont have one as all of it was AMAZING.

Prayer requests for those guys who committed for the first time and recommitted to becoming a christian that they stay strong against attacks of the devil and that they be filled with the holy spirit daily and build a firm relationship with our Lord. Also that The relationships that were formed and defined would continue to go on.

Now its to a backlog of University work, Planning sessions with Luke and meeting up with the vast amount of friends that I have managed to neglect recently (love you guys)