Clearing up

Ok this post is for one person particular who was hurt about something I did or more something I didn't so. Im incredibly sorry about that. I acted like a bit of a Prat (a bit of is the understatement of the century)

I dont want to write excuses insteed I Want to clear stuff up.

I didn't tell you for two reasons both are ridiculous and stupid and I feel like a complete plonker for writing this on my blog.

First reason is well because I miss you so much.

I miss our conversations about everything not just about books and movies but about our faith, our parents, how are perspectives are changing. our friendships with people. I miss talking about cheese slicing and about sex. I miss having you come up to me bouncing around like mad being excited over stupid things.

I didnt tell you, well as awlful and as horrible as it is because I wanted you to miss me a bit too. I wanted you to miss me like the way I miss you.

second reason is even more lame

I built (as I always do) a little wall around my freaking out ness. I told precisely 3 people about my accident everyone else found out down to people talking.

Helen, Luke and Jasper. Helen told her mum, then her mum told Abe. then Abe told the pray patrol at church (thats not there name but its catchy and reminds me of a superhero) and the leadership team hence stuart, Steph, And the sheffords finding out. Oh and i announced it at RNA (but it was a party for me that I had just shown up to an hour late crying)

Point being telling people knocked down my little wall that was with holding all my freakingout ness and everything I have been with holding in the last couple of weeks. telling the people I cared about made it harder to hold it in.

Yes, I shouldnt hold it in anyway and yes I would be upset and angry if I was in your shoes so Im sorry. I acted like an Idiot and I was selfish and well a Cow. I should of told you even if that meant an emotional breakdown.

I love you and I hope at some point you forgive me