I'm annoyed

I realise that this does happen very often, but I am Fuming.

I have been having conversations with various people and Im livid. Anorexia, Self Harm, Hating ourselfs, Hurt all of it is caused by other people and the stuff they say and do.

Something Charlie said in a previous blog "Words hurt" they do and it does lasting damage.

I spoke to someone tonight who I had hurt badly. I have not let on or blogged about it before just purely because it hurt so much. I let them down and selfishly the hurt that I felt was the guilt was the pain from missing them and the pure hatred I had for myself for doing that to someone I love (funny how we repress stuff?) This person phoned me (from a foreign country) cos he wanted me.

I got bullied and beaten up so much when I was younger I know the damage that can be done. the fear and the words begin to shape who you are. Those LIES you are told, (and they are lies) begin to be believed and begin to shape who you are. I now have to have a light on when I sleep and Im to scared to take chances regarding the opposite sex in case I get hurt again. Incase they hurt me again. I know I hurt people, I know I am. Part of my anger and my annoyance is at myself for doing these things but another part is the sadness that I am surrounded by these broken people.

Everywhere I look there are people feeling useless and unloved. They feel they aren't right like there is something wrong with them. Im mad and crying my eyes out and how human and screwy we really are. We break each other and hurt them with words.

Surrounding us our images telling us if we look, act, buy, do a certain thing then we will be happy. Thats not how happiness happens not really. Disney films (and others) say happiness is finding your true love. that isn't how you get happiness. Happiness is being content, happiness is finding the strength in who you are to drop and release the lies of being to fat, or to ugly or not being worth anything. Happiness is embracing and truely embracing the fact that Jesus has set us free.

If I have ever thrown a comment your way or broken your heart Im sorry. I pray that these comments these Lies that bond us and bind us into being half of the people we could be. I hope that we are truely set free.