So I have been trying to again copy Helen and write this stupid Quiz thing on Facebook called 25 things. Basically you write a list of 25 things people perhaps didn't know about you. I couldn't do One.
Im pretty sure this isn't down to the fact I talk about myself all the time and tell everyone all my secrets. I think it is because even I don't know them.
I know as you grow and mature you learn more and more about who you are as a person and about who you are in God. So I know I am loved. Im worth so much to him the fact He died for me. Pretty Painfully. so Im worth something and believing in him and loving him means that I have freedom from sin. I have freedom to be myself.
Because of my childhood, I put a face on. I do it so that I can be whatever people want me to be without really truely putting myself out there (without ever being Vunerable) because what happens if I take the mask off and the people who love the pretend rachel don't love the real one. Even If I wanted to take it off the problem is I dunno when Rachel begins and pretend Rachel ends.
Next year Im going to read this and do it again 9th of Feburary 2010
So this is my attempt. This is me If you hate me afterwards Im sorry that Im secretly and emotional wreck and I love you guys anyway. No Pretend Rachel, just me the true 25 things
1. I got beaten up pretty badly as a kid. It left me with a lot of insecurities but the truth is I always made it worse. I used to fight back. I get hit I would hit back. It never ended well. I never really talked about it as its something people hate hearing. I show off about being "tough" to avoid discussion about it.
2. The people I love deserve better than me
3. I would love to be one part of a marriage
4. I am a huge girl. I love flowers (tulips are my favourite)
5. Im Petrified of doing this. please dont comment it will freak me out
6. I make myself as busy as I can to avoid the hole in my heart
7. My bed is metal and when I got scared I used to curl up under it and put all the boxes around myself to hide
8. I hate Mice and Rats. There tails freak me out
9. I hate it when people grope me or hug/touch me without warning. It reminds me of worse times
10. I would be nothing without God. This is definate fact!!!!!
11. I act like an idiot 99% of the time
12. Im so close to crying right now its ridicluous. Im so beyond crap its unbelievable
13. I hate horror films. I used to like them but who wants to see someone tortured? what sort of person enjoys watching someone saw of his own leg?
14. Im petrified most the time when I am around other people. what are they thinking? is it uncomfortable? what do I say?
15. apparently I flirt with everyone although I have no idea how to flirt so I have no idea what I am doing. I thought flirting was like flicking your hair and trying to get the guys attention. I dont think I do that. I dunno how to flirt. I think I do it without realising it
16. My favourite place in the world is the road heading from Godmanchesterto Offord and you hit the big hill. You can see for miles. When the Sunsets its Beautiful.
17. I hate sitting still. Much prefer doing stuff
18. I hate TV. Its rubbish I love bones but thats it. Whats the point in it? General waste of time. I don't get pleasure or amusement out of it
19. I have an addiction to fruit juice
20. I pray that no one I know will turn out like me.
21. I miss the old times, with Chemaz and Geoff and the giggles
22. I hate it when people don't say I love you too back.
23. I got beaten up in September like before I went back to university. like I used too get beaten up. I didnt tell anyone except Emily.
24. I currently have 15 bruises on my body and 48 scars. (nice the fact I know that) I am bawling my eyes out.
25. I would love to be a mum.
So these are my 25 things, please dont comment It was very scary doing it.
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