Its the 5th

Hopefully Im not going to be so lame as I was in my last blog and not just give a list of things I have been getting up too. this one is huge and personal. well i suppose its meant to be its a blog.


I became a church member today. Church had a different atmosphere. maybe its my new attitute or perception. It was nice. I have been so caught up in seeing all the bad points of church and trying to change them. I passed over all the good. (if that makes any sense) Im proud to be part of GBC. Yes, I know I had to read over those words twice too.


There is alot we need to change there but a lot I hope we don't. I have met some of the most amazing people and been given the greatest blessings because of that place and I take it for Granted way to much. If anyone is reading this and all my Negetivity hurt you in any way Im really sorry. I love it really.


I ended up staying up until 4am the other day just because I had a bit of a Godism and ended up writing 4 sermons. I saved them all but hopefully one day I may be able to give them. maybe when I get some time I will put them on here.

Adrian was good today. He talked about letting go of the past and looking into the future and looking at Gods promise. I realised that a lot of the stuff he was saying though I had done over the last couple of weeks.

The car journey back from my holiday (again something i should write up about) gave me lots of revelations. I decided to drop superRachel the Rachel I wanted to be and the Rachel I thought every one wanted me to be. Insteed of trying to be uber clever and uber knowledgable about football or pretty or tough or organized or who has everything sorted out. That isn't me and trying to be that person is disrespecting God and the person who God wanted me to be. Im going to be me and try and be the best version of myself for God I guess. I don't want to change. Im stupid, Quirky, Insecure, Scared of everything (but wont admitt it) and Insanely passionate about God and People. I want to see 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000 of people come to christ.

For the first time in my life I feel like im getting to grips with who I am. which is werid as I don't like it all but yet Im gaining more confidence as slowly God is ironing out my issues. Like the stuff when I was growing up Im dealing with it. I may fall back a little bit, but Im not worthless and I do deserve to be loved (my Family are Awesome we just had our issues)

I even like a Boy (I wont say who cos I know it wont work out) which is a huge thing for me. I sort of run away from all these emotions as fast as I can just because its scary and new and possibly the worst but best thing ever. Im a bit gutted though if im honest because I do really like him and Im pretty sure the feelings aren't mutual. Its ok though Im used to being alone like that (check out how depressed I sound)

God is Awesome at the moment.

I even had a family meal the other day and didnt need to hold my toungue not even once (again Miracle) I have no idea what God is doing but I love him for it.

Kieran, Luke and various other people aren't around next week, which is strange as they have been the people i have been hanging out with alot recently. Its ok though. I have a feeling I will be bored and missing them a lot. I rekon It will be great to spend some time seriously getting into Gods Bible and actually doing some art not because i have too but because I feel like it. Life is going well.

(that is of course as long as I get these Essays in)