heart broken, grumpy and looking on the brightside

Yesterday was a bizzare day.

very bizzarre

I got hurt not badly well it depends how you look at it. I honestly want to put the covers over my head and live like that what a nice little life. sleeping and reading just in your own little bubble where things cant go wrong and people dont expect anything of you or moan or hurt you.
So Tempted by that right now.

but I guess I wouldn't have as much fun as well like knowing people are willing to fork out money to come and see you just because you are crying. or run up to you when you show up to your own party crying and steal you away to calm you down. and praying with you and lots of worried 11-14 year olds who care about you and friends who remind you to giggle and realising that people are there. I could give up and run away, I could easily I could jack it all in and move to Stafford like I have wanted too for years, I could be that person who lives in her bedroom until she is 50.

But how much of live would I miss out in. I could give up. I could give up my beliefs, my life, my friendships, uni, being a youth worker, my family.

all of these have been options over the past few weeks. yesterday was the tip of the iceberg but it also helped me realise a lot. I could give up I could climb under my covers, I could kill myself, I could give up.

but I would miss out on so much. park days with friends, Laughter, Alton towers trips with biscuits. getting jumped on at Rock Solid, personal in depth one on one chats, Listening to Jackie sing, Being hugged (not a lame fluffy one a real emotional one when you can feel the love) - for the record I cant believe I just wrote that. the Exhibition pub, when your insanely on fire for god and all you can do is jump up and down. and love.

Ok so stuff is not exactly perfect. Im in a really bad mood and Im just waiting for the next bad event but its worth it. the good stuff is worth the bad.

I dunno how I feel I guess the title says it all really.