Today I turned 21
In 11 minutes (from the time I started to write this it is anyway) I will be 21 and 1 day old.
Birthdays are strange days. Why say 'Happy Birthday'? You are basically saying 'I hope you have a nice birthday'
But why not hope that everyone has a nice day everyday? I dunno,
My first conversation was about a pornographic picture on my brothers wall in detail with Helen. We ended up naming the four girls who were asleep, in very little clothing. (very grown up)
I got sang to at church, (also awesome service John) I got lots of hugs and kisses from my church family at GBC. I then got Kidnapped by Chloe and a gang of others to Cambridge where I was brought Lunch and sat on Parkers Peace munching and relaxing in the sunshine, before being taken home for a scrummy sunday lunch, with Penny, My Godparents, My Grandma and my Folks.
I got a mass of Texts and Facebook messages (at least 50) which is a real blessing to have so many people who want to wish you a good day.
I enjoyed it. I feel older I feel my age, maybe because of my new found exceptance of my age. I no longer want to be 17 again.
Dont get me wrong it rocked at the time but there are a lot of benefits of being this age.
On Saturday for an example me and my mum spent the whole day together shopping, when I was 17 I could have never done that. I have a lot more knowledge now which comes from getting older in regards to general knowledge, to a deeper relationship with God and in who I am too.
My friendships are stronger too. I have less aquaintences and more good friends.
I dont want to go out and get drunk. whats the point when you can have a social drink and talk more and have just as much fun?
I dont want to watch meaningless junk on Tv or read stupid books that wont teach me anything. I want to grow, learn and have fun.
I am lonely dont get me wrong but I dont want to go and selfishly fill my needs of comfort, love and affection with the opposite sex I want meaning and a relationship that is built on more than selfish need.
Anyway It is now the 10th of August.
Happy 10th of August everyone!!!
Sunday, 9 August 2009
BEWARE!!!!
2 posts in one hour will make up for my lack of posts recently.
Today I had a conversation with one of my friends and I ended up getting angry. (which I am not sure whether or not I have a right too but I couldn't really help it)
Over time Lots of my friends have self harmed. I have even been prone to do it myself but in less graphical ways.
I dont want to make anyone who may or may know of someone that does upset or get moaned at by this blog so please dont. like I said this is just how I feel at the present moment in time.
I have the friend perspective. If any of you do self harm I am not in your shoes and I dont understand how It feels to be you so If any of you do or have considered doing it I dont want you to be upset by what I have written. Please don't leave comments.
I may not know how it feels to do that but I do know how it feels to stand by and watch.
Don't you get how it feels to stand by and watch!!! See more and more scars appear on your body. To watch you get addicted to it, to watch it become part of how you define yourself. Don't you see how that
Im bawling my freaking eyes out here because my heart is broken.
Don't you see how much it hurts us. the people who care about you who sit by and know that when you stop you have to stop for yourself so we sit and listen. who keep your secrets even when it at risk to themselves, Always wondering when are they going to go too deep whether tommorrow morning when we wake up and you won't. We cry for you, pray for you. Beg God to stop you from feeling the pain and lay it on us instead.
Don't you see that it is selfish to do it, Whether or not you believe people love you or not. I freaking do and I cant lose you. I can't. I love you too fraking much. Do you realise what it would do to me. To your parents, to the rest of the people. I won't ask you to do it for the people who cry for you. I won't ask you to do it for me.
But fight. freaking fight. don't just do it for the easy way out. don't just give up. Fight it. Fight the voices in you head. Love exists because you love others. You love your mum, your little sisters and brothers, your friends, your boyfriends, hek you might even love me.
Fight for yourself, for the fact you deserve better, for the fact you have worth. fight for the fact that it doesnt just effect you. fight for the promise of an incredible life with God. Fight for the fact that Jesus went through a 1000 times more pain than we will ever experience for you.
know that self harm is not something you only do its something you do to your friends, to your siblings, to your parents. when you cut, or punch or starve yourself your hurting us too.
now I am going to stop. I have released my anger and I am now going to go and write my third blog of the night.
Today I had a conversation with one of my friends and I ended up getting angry. (which I am not sure whether or not I have a right too but I couldn't really help it)
Over time Lots of my friends have self harmed. I have even been prone to do it myself but in less graphical ways.
I dont want to make anyone who may or may know of someone that does upset or get moaned at by this blog so please dont. like I said this is just how I feel at the present moment in time.
I have the friend perspective. If any of you do self harm I am not in your shoes and I dont understand how It feels to be you so If any of you do or have considered doing it I dont want you to be upset by what I have written. Please don't leave comments.
I may not know how it feels to do that but I do know how it feels to stand by and watch.
Don't you get how it feels to stand by and watch!!! See more and more scars appear on your body. To watch you get addicted to it, to watch it become part of how you define yourself. Don't you see how that
Im bawling my freaking eyes out here because my heart is broken.
Don't you see how much it hurts us. the people who care about you who sit by and know that when you stop you have to stop for yourself so we sit and listen. who keep your secrets even when it at risk to themselves, Always wondering when are they going to go too deep whether tommorrow morning when we wake up and you won't. We cry for you, pray for you. Beg God to stop you from feeling the pain and lay it on us instead.
Don't you see that it is selfish to do it, Whether or not you believe people love you or not. I freaking do and I cant lose you. I can't. I love you too fraking much. Do you realise what it would do to me. To your parents, to the rest of the people. I won't ask you to do it for the people who cry for you. I won't ask you to do it for me.
But fight. freaking fight. don't just do it for the easy way out. don't just give up. Fight it. Fight the voices in you head. Love exists because you love others. You love your mum, your little sisters and brothers, your friends, your boyfriends, hek you might even love me.
Fight for yourself, for the fact you deserve better, for the fact you have worth. fight for the fact that it doesnt just effect you. fight for the promise of an incredible life with God. Fight for the fact that Jesus went through a 1000 times more pain than we will ever experience for you.
know that self harm is not something you only do its something you do to your friends, to your siblings, to your parents. when you cut, or punch or starve yourself your hurting us too.
now I am going to stop. I have released my anger and I am now going to go and write my third blog of the night.
Abey baby
I was thinking about writing a blog on Abe for a long time.
It was recently the last Ignite actually when I realised just how huge of a part he has had in my life, whether indirectly or directly. The bloke gets a lot of stick. (I gave him a great deal) but still when I needed some one to stand up for me. He fought my corner.
I was thinking of times when I started to do Rock Solid. I so scared to be around people I put a bit of a bonkers confident mask on but Abe reasurred me and encouraged me to do it. It is now because of that encouragement that GBC feels like home and the people feel more like my family.
He was there when I came back to church after months of doing a bit of a Jonah and doing the opposite of what was right. I was a youth under him in which I learnt a great deal about what it meant to be a christian.
He challenged me throughout my times of being a youth leader making meditate more on my hows, what, and whys?
He has watched me grow, prayed for me, and sacrifies his own needs for me.
Today I turned 21 I am an adult everywhere in the world. It a bit of a big day but you know what. Abe has had something to do with getting me this far. He has mentioned a few times how I have gone from a scared nervous public speaker to giving sermons and part of that was his encouragement and faith in me.
Today I also found out his Mum has died. My heart is with him, I have a lump in my throat for his sadness and I am praying for him. I want to do something to help something to ease the pain but I know only Jesus can do that. Although this is happened. I am willing to bet money (well I am not but I am certain off it ) that Abe will be trying to work out how to get back to Zambia and make in back in time for Soul Survivor not for any other reason than to serve the young people of GBC.
So Abe If you ever read this, Thank you!! I am sorry for all the times I have moaned at you and for all the times I have been unkind.
I thank God for revealing to me how huge of a part you have had in my life just so I could make the most of your time left in Goddie and not take our friendship for granted anymore
It was recently the last Ignite actually when I realised just how huge of a part he has had in my life, whether indirectly or directly. The bloke gets a lot of stick. (I gave him a great deal) but still when I needed some one to stand up for me. He fought my corner.
I was thinking of times when I started to do Rock Solid. I so scared to be around people I put a bit of a bonkers confident mask on but Abe reasurred me and encouraged me to do it. It is now because of that encouragement that GBC feels like home and the people feel more like my family.
He was there when I came back to church after months of doing a bit of a Jonah and doing the opposite of what was right. I was a youth under him in which I learnt a great deal about what it meant to be a christian.
He challenged me throughout my times of being a youth leader making meditate more on my hows, what, and whys?
He has watched me grow, prayed for me, and sacrifies his own needs for me.
Today I turned 21 I am an adult everywhere in the world. It a bit of a big day but you know what. Abe has had something to do with getting me this far. He has mentioned a few times how I have gone from a scared nervous public speaker to giving sermons and part of that was his encouragement and faith in me.
Today I also found out his Mum has died. My heart is with him, I have a lump in my throat for his sadness and I am praying for him. I want to do something to help something to ease the pain but I know only Jesus can do that. Although this is happened. I am willing to bet money (well I am not but I am certain off it ) that Abe will be trying to work out how to get back to Zambia and make in back in time for Soul Survivor not for any other reason than to serve the young people of GBC.
So Abe If you ever read this, Thank you!! I am sorry for all the times I have moaned at you and for all the times I have been unkind.
I thank God for revealing to me how huge of a part you have had in my life just so I could make the most of your time left in Goddie and not take our friendship for granted anymore
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Cars, Idiots and Legs
Ok so I am an idiot!!!
A complete one!!!
This car situation sucks and if I am honest I have spent the day feeling sorry for myself.
I went to Uganda and met people who had nothing. Most of those I met slept on the ground. some where street kids for goodnesses sake and I'm moaning because I am now going to be without a car for a few months.
God has let this happen for a reason. Its a learning curve. God is in it. Therefore him being in it will make it a good thing.
I will find a way to do everything. If I can't well that means he proberly doesn't want me to do it anyway.
I am annoyed at the other guy but for all I know he could have been made bankrupt and not be able to afford insurance.
Yes, its wrong and breaking the law. but I have also done stuff that broke the law and is wrong and the only person who has the right to judge is Jesus. Not me!!!
So yes I was annoyed but yey jesus has just (once again) opened my eyes.
I am such a goof and an Idiot.
I am now quite excited about the adventure God is going to take me on with public transport and my bike. Bring on using my legs!!!!!
A complete one!!!
This car situation sucks and if I am honest I have spent the day feeling sorry for myself.
I went to Uganda and met people who had nothing. Most of those I met slept on the ground. some where street kids for goodnesses sake and I'm moaning because I am now going to be without a car for a few months.
God has let this happen for a reason. Its a learning curve. God is in it. Therefore him being in it will make it a good thing.
I will find a way to do everything. If I can't well that means he proberly doesn't want me to do it anyway.
I am annoyed at the other guy but for all I know he could have been made bankrupt and not be able to afford insurance.
Yes, its wrong and breaking the law. but I have also done stuff that broke the law and is wrong and the only person who has the right to judge is Jesus. Not me!!!
So yes I was annoyed but yey jesus has just (once again) opened my eyes.
I am such a goof and an Idiot.
I am now quite excited about the adventure God is going to take me on with public transport and my bike. Bring on using my legs!!!!!
Monday, 6 July 2009
I hate...
I hate insurance compannies. I hate them I hate them I hate them. Well I don't I hate the person who lied and said that I stole his indentity. I hate the fact that it has been over 2 months and still nothing has been done. I hate the fact that it causes far to much stress to be worth it.
All I want is a car that works (and is legal for me to drive) thats It. I brought a car, I paid for the insurance. I paid for the repairs. I worked hard to do that. no all I ask is that my car get fixed.
Thats it. simple. I am meant to be going out tonight but no instead I am waiting to talk to this lady who will determine my fate. On whether or not I have a car anymore.
No Car. No church. No visiting people. I will be stuck at home.
Oh the joy of it.
On the bright side (as i am trying to be optimistic) It stopped raining
All I want is a car that works (and is legal for me to drive) thats It. I brought a car, I paid for the insurance. I paid for the repairs. I worked hard to do that. no all I ask is that my car get fixed.
Thats it. simple. I am meant to be going out tonight but no instead I am waiting to talk to this lady who will determine my fate. On whether or not I have a car anymore.
No Car. No church. No visiting people. I will be stuck at home.
Oh the joy of it.
On the bright side (as i am trying to be optimistic) It stopped raining
Friday, 3 July 2009
so today
no theological talk nor indepth emotional gush
Today has been a nice day or more the evenong has been I have many rather comical moments. Its been good.
I went to Tesco's and brought some Passion. You would think after 2 weeks I could open them by now, but not a chance. It exploded in my hands quite spectacularly in Tesco's car park. (Didn't I feel cool)
Went to RS and spent the evening with hyper lads. (always a highlight of my week) But tonight I noticed the change in them. the way god is changing them. I am Incredibly blessed to see that and to be a part of it.
Blake and Ross also told me how much they missed me while I was away. (was rather touched to hear that)
I also got shown two places in which Joe George was sick. (and the sick was still there) ewwwwww but rather funny at the same time as being minging!!!!!!!
I then went to the Priory and saw the Longsands guys. (although most werent there as it was only the guys) and had a good catch up with them.
been a good night!!!! Got to see lots of people I love
Today has been a nice day or more the evenong has been I have many rather comical moments. Its been good.
I went to Tesco's and brought some Passion. You would think after 2 weeks I could open them by now, but not a chance. It exploded in my hands quite spectacularly in Tesco's car park. (Didn't I feel cool)
Went to RS and spent the evening with hyper lads. (always a highlight of my week) But tonight I noticed the change in them. the way god is changing them. I am Incredibly blessed to see that and to be a part of it.
Blake and Ross also told me how much they missed me while I was away. (was rather touched to hear that)
I also got shown two places in which Joe George was sick. (and the sick was still there) ewwwwww but rather funny at the same time as being minging!!!!!!!
I then went to the Priory and saw the Longsands guys. (although most werent there as it was only the guys) and had a good catch up with them.
been a good night!!!! Got to see lots of people I love
Friday, 12 June 2009
Tommorrow
Stealing Sophies blog title.
tommorrow I am going to Uganda . I was kinda scared I wouldnt have time to do this. But a huge Thanks to everyone who helped and contributed.
Jodie - thanks for your expert cake making skills
Helen - thanks for shutting up for a day
Homegroup - Legends as always
Jasper - for letting me rant at you when stuff doesnt go to plan
Joshy - For giving me your money
and for everyone else who has been so supportive and kind.
Love you all.
tommorrow I am going to Uganda . I was kinda scared I wouldnt have time to do this. But a huge Thanks to everyone who helped and contributed.
Jodie - thanks for your expert cake making skills
Helen - thanks for shutting up for a day
Homegroup - Legends as always
Jasper - for letting me rant at you when stuff doesnt go to plan
Joshy - For giving me your money
and for everyone else who has been so supportive and kind.
Love you all.
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