do you ever wonder why?

Do you ever wonder why you bother?

In my most recent episode of band of brothers there was an incredible moment where one of the lads was screaming 'why am I here? Why am I fighting this war?' at a lot of german soliders who had just surrended. he used a lot worse language but it made me think.

On Sunday -


I was meant to be doing a bible study but some people couldn't be bothered. They had other things to think over. Things that mattered more apparently. They didn't realise that one of the answers to the questions that we were meant to be looking at was the solution to there problem all along.

I was meant to pray but people did not think it mattered anymore.



This broke my heart.


It made me question the point in trying to teach people stuff if they 'can’t be bothered' to learn about it? It made me question what I was doing and my reasons for doing it.


I criticised the youth work at GBC a lot last year which was very wrong of me. I did not have the facts and i passed up all the good that is there. I realised how hypocritical i was in this and if I hurt anyone im so sorry for that. I wanted the opportunity to grow, learn and be challenged but when I got it I didn't make the most of it. I realised that the more you put into it the more you get out.

A lot of the time we are so quick to criticise we forget about the people who put the effort into it. like the hours of prep work that go in to it and the kindhearted people that are willing to teach even when I am difficult. I thought about my own recent senerio's why bother? If people dont give a damn (sorry for language) and can't be bothered then why should I give up my time and my energy to give them the opportunitys that they want. that they asked for, when they can't be bothered to use them. so why bother? Why do it when I could be doing stuff and teaching people who actually want to learn who can actually be bothered.

Jesus once told a man to sell everything he had in order to glorify him. This man sulked away. he felt unable to complete the task that Jesus had set for him. He couldn't be bothered. His possessions meant more to him. I wonder whether Jesus wondered why he bothered?


Then I remembered why:-

In the band of brothers episode, they discovered a concentration camp and liberated it. That is why they went to war. To Make things better for those who were in alwful situations.

My first reason is to bring God Glory, so that people will worship him. So that people will get to know him. so i can please him because I love him and because he is amazing.

I pray because Its how I talk to my dad. In a recent rainbow sheep issue Jodie talked about having a real, everyday relationship with God I believe that by me praying I get that. (the more I pray the more stuff that happens) Its how I talk to my dad. It doesnt matter how much I screw up or mess up he always sorts it out and amazingly he still wants to talk to me. I pray so I can get more and more of an everyday real relationship with Jesus.

The reason why I read the bible, is because its his word. he speaks through it. He guides me, and tells me what he wants me to do, Its the Past, present and Future of my walk with Jesus. it holds the answers to every single question about life back then and now. i read it because I can get closer to my God.

I believe that doing these things can change your life and I pray that I never pass up the opportunities to do these because I'm tired or can't be bothered or find youtube more interesting.

Another reason why I bother is because I love the kids, I love the young people. I selfishly love it when they come up and hug me and tell me they love me. I love it when I can join in with them and mess about playing stupid games. I love being there for there first boyfriends and seeing them when they overcome there battles. I love seeing how there relationship with Jesus changes. I love helping them and I feel honoured when they come to me for advise or just to chat. I love seeing how they change and how they get more confidence. I love how I am able to cry with them and laugh with them. I love it when they overcome there fear and pray outloud or preach. I love watching there faces light up when they get something right. I love being able to call these people my friends and my family. Thats why I bother because I love them.

Please pray that I don't take my eyes of the reasons of why I do such things. Please pray that my disappointment and annoyance don't overshadow my love for God or for the people I do it for.

(I also hope this blog hasn't upset anyone, I was not written in order to do so but more for prayers for my feelings upon the matter. If it has done I'm truely sorry)

ekkkkkkkkkk

Today I was asked to be one of Emilys Bridesmaids.

I said yes

I have worked out this means I have to wear a dress but I dont care. I get to share this amazing day with one of my closest friends and do all the cheesy stuff. she did it via a card in the post (which was lovely as its such a lovely thing to keep) I phoned her up so we could do the girly squelling stuff and jumping around my kitchen. reminds me of when she got engaged (officially) and when she told me that her and paul where getting married (unoffically) i nearly crashed my car. Im so excited I have to wear a purple dress. but I dont care. its a dress but eeekkkk.

I guess what the incoherent babble above talks about is the fact that I feel really honoured to be asked and I love her to pieces and can not wait to be able to share such a beautiful moment with her.

Joys from Childhood

A list of some of the coolest things I did/read/ate/watched when I was a kid (and still occassionally do)



- make a den in a woods somewhere

- Ronald Dahl books (no one can beat Fantastic Mr Fox)

- 1p sweets that actually cost a penny

- Etch 'a' sketches

- Each Peach Pear Plum

- Original disney Classics (none of this home on the range rubbish)

- Playdays

- Transformers (the orginal cartoon series)

- Blossom, Saved by the Bell, Brotherly love, different strokes, hang time - none of this modern rubbish

- POG's

- sharkie and George

- original pinkie and the brain

- football games in the road

- spending more time at my neighbours house than my own

- having a waterslide in the back garden

- water fights (inside the house)


-making dens inside the house with sheets using books and stools to prop it up


- Buffy (I was so in love with Xander)

- Laying in until 11

- The Spicegirls (Came out orginally in 1996 I was 8)

Band of Brothers

I do the lovefilm thing where I pay certain amount every month and then get movies sent to me on rental. I truely recommend it. I have ended up saving fortunes. I now can resist my urges to go into my overdraft when I go to Tesco and see the shining for £3.

I have recently been getting the Band of Brother series. Basically you follow a company of america airbourne soldiers and watch there advenures during World War two.

I know you shouldn't have favourites but I do. I guess the really shocking thing about the series is you watch them for 12 episodes and your glued to it to find out out of all these amazing characters who will make it until the end and the thing is you have no idea.

It is not like a thriller or a crime mystery. You can't work out the end. Its one of the most heart-renching, tense and surprisingly beautiful series I have seen in a long time. The way

(I say Beautiful because the teamwork, family and love these men have for one another is inspirational)

Its recommended greatly!!!!

wooooo

essay - 2166 words done only another 944 left.

Then I have 4 essays left and a debate and Im done until September wooooooooooooooooooo (as amazing as that is the debate things are huge. (stage is there and everything) and al the essays are like 3500 words odd about painstakingly dull subjects so its not all optimism, but yey nearly done. blatently going to curl up tonight with a good movie and a glass of wine.

I went for a drive

Today i went for a drive I was thinking about when you are little you get excited at the fact there are horses in a field or stars in the sky or a tractor. you ask that old lady walking past to stroke her dog or beg your mum for sweeties in the shop. (I used to sneek them in the trolley when she wasnt looking) Do you remember when the greatest day of your life was when your mum let you go to the park by yourself? or how exciting and how much fun it was when you first drove your car (or bike for those who cant drive yet)

When did that stop? when you hear stuff a lot or see things nearly everyday do you just get used to it so you pass up the wonder in it? Because it happens everyday you stop getting excited about such things.

I was wondering whether this could relate to Where Jesus tells us to be like little children. (Mark 10 v13-16)

I pray I never get so used to the everyday that I stop getting excited over the little things.

I want to be like you

I want to be like Jasper for his Brains
Or like Charlie’s for her perceptive skills
Or like Emily for her Faith
Or like Roseanna for her Guts
Or like Jodie for her Organisation
Or like Helen for her Spark
Or be as wise as Luke
Or to be like Abe for his Leadership skills
Or to be as beautiful as Penny
Or to have self-discipline like my mum
Or AJ’s Honesty
Or Rachel’s ability to withstand the knocks that keep being thrown at her
Or my brothers Charisma

I was listening to I want to be just like you (sorry not the Disney version) Here are some of the lyrics

“Got to admit I've got so far to goMake so many mistakes and I'm sure that You knowSometimes it seems no matter how hard I tryWith all the pressures in life I just can't get it all right”
The song talks about the pressures of life. This week I have put all my pressures aside and still I can’t get it right.

I was told ages ago that I was my own worse critic, but to be honest I don’t criticise myself enough. What an Amazing beautiful God that can forgive and Love this great big mess.

I like a guy (see earlier post) or more I thought I did but when it came down the crunch time of it I realised that it was nothing more than me trying to fill up my only loneliness. I don’t want a relationship like that. I don’t want to be in one just purely to satisfy my own needs.

Next thing is I either can’t stop eating or I don’t at all. Both extremities are not exactly ideal. I’m trying to satisfy my hunger for something more something greater.

So what’s the answer? God should be enough for me. I say should because at the moment I’m continually wanting. I’m not content or happy with what God has given me. I shouldn’t want to be like my friends and loved ones. I shouldn’t want so much food or a guy just purely because I am not satisfied fully. I shouldn’t want to look like Penny or Pretend to be someone or something that I’m not.

I should accept and celebrate in the fact that I don’t have the same abilities that my friends have or if I do have similar abilities he hasn’t given me them to the same degree. I even know why that is. Its because of the fact God has shaped me differently to them to achieve different things for him. I should celebrate in that not feel disappointed or envious.

Please pray that I Throw away all this unhelpful and negetive thoughts, idea's and wants so my eyes can stay just on him.