Cars, Idiots and Legs

Ok so I am an idiot!!!

A complete one!!!

This car situation sucks and if I am honest I have spent the day feeling sorry for myself.

I went to Uganda and met people who had nothing. Most of those I met slept on the ground. some where street kids for goodnesses sake and I'm moaning because I am now going to be without a car for a few months.

God has let this happen for a reason. Its a learning curve. God is in it. Therefore him being in it will make it a good thing.

I will find a way to do everything. If I can't well that means he proberly doesn't want me to do it anyway.

I am annoyed at the other guy but for all I know he could have been made bankrupt and not be able to afford insurance.

Yes, its wrong and breaking the law. but I have also done stuff that broke the law and is wrong and the only person who has the right to judge is Jesus. Not me!!!

So yes I was annoyed but yey jesus has just (once again) opened my eyes.

I am such a goof and an Idiot.

I am now quite excited about the adventure God is going to take me on with public transport and my bike. Bring on using my legs!!!!!

I hate...

I hate insurance compannies. I hate them I hate them I hate them. Well I don't I hate the person who lied and said that I stole his indentity. I hate the fact that it has been over 2 months and still nothing has been done. I hate the fact that it causes far to much stress to be worth it.

All I want is a car that works (and is legal for me to drive) thats It. I brought a car, I paid for the insurance. I paid for the repairs. I worked hard to do that. no all I ask is that my car get fixed.

Thats it. simple. I am meant to be going out tonight but no instead I am waiting to talk to this lady who will determine my fate. On whether or not I have a car anymore.

No Car. No church. No visiting people. I will be stuck at home.

Oh the joy of it.

On the bright side (as i am trying to be optimistic) It stopped raining

so today

no theological talk nor indepth emotional gush

Today has been a nice day or more the evenong has been I have many rather comical moments. Its been good.

I went to Tesco's and brought some Passion. You would think after 2 weeks I could open them by now, but not a chance. It exploded in my hands quite spectacularly in Tesco's car park. (Didn't I feel cool)

Went to RS and spent the evening with hyper lads. (always a highlight of my week) But tonight I noticed the change in them. the way god is changing them. I am Incredibly blessed to see that and to be a part of it.

Blake and Ross also told me how much they missed me while I was away. (was rather touched to hear that)

I also got shown two places in which Joe George was sick. (and the sick was still there) ewwwwww but rather funny at the same time as being minging!!!!!!!

I then went to the Priory and saw the Longsands guys. (although most werent there as it was only the guys) and had a good catch up with them.

been a good night!!!! Got to see lots of people I love

Tommorrow

Stealing Sophies blog title.

tommorrow I am going to Uganda . I was kinda scared I wouldnt have time to do this. But a huge Thanks to everyone who helped and contributed.

Jodie - thanks for your expert cake making skills

Helen - thanks for shutting up for a day

Homegroup - Legends as always

Jasper - for letting me rant at you when stuff doesnt go to plan

Joshy - For giving me your money

and for everyone else who has been so supportive and kind.

Love you all.

Revelation

Is a really hard book of the bible to get your head round.

This post is not really about that specifically, Its more about the past year.

Its kind of amazing really how much God has revealed himself and how much I have discovered about myself in the space of a year.

I usually do a little spiritual thought about the previous year using Soul Survivor as a marker but I find myself thinking about this a lot. in a sense It makes me so happy to be able to see these changes.

I have learnt to check your heart to keep check on the motivations behind why I do things. To make sure the reasons In my head why I am acting/doing something are the same ones as my heart.

I have learnt that I have no Backbone and that I have got a much firmer understanding around my faith (which is God) I have learnt to keep Faith even when the logical answer is in the opposite direction and that i am not as good as I thought I was.

I have learnt that you can have low self-esteem as well as being big headed. I think I have also learnt to accept myself more too.

As well as looking at my past and the world around me from a different perspective than I used too.

I just pray that it continues.

Clearing up

Ok this post is for one person particular who was hurt about something I did or more something I didn't so. Im incredibly sorry about that. I acted like a bit of a Prat (a bit of is the understatement of the century)

I dont want to write excuses insteed I Want to clear stuff up.

I didn't tell you for two reasons both are ridiculous and stupid and I feel like a complete plonker for writing this on my blog.

First reason is well because I miss you so much.

I miss our conversations about everything not just about books and movies but about our faith, our parents, how are perspectives are changing. our friendships with people. I miss talking about cheese slicing and about sex. I miss having you come up to me bouncing around like mad being excited over stupid things.

I didnt tell you, well as awlful and as horrible as it is because I wanted you to miss me a bit too. I wanted you to miss me like the way I miss you.

second reason is even more lame

I built (as I always do) a little wall around my freaking out ness. I told precisely 3 people about my accident everyone else found out down to people talking.

Helen, Luke and Jasper. Helen told her mum, then her mum told Abe. then Abe told the pray patrol at church (thats not there name but its catchy and reminds me of a superhero) and the leadership team hence stuart, Steph, And the sheffords finding out. Oh and i announced it at RNA (but it was a party for me that I had just shown up to an hour late crying)

Point being telling people knocked down my little wall that was with holding all my freakingout ness and everything I have been with holding in the last couple of weeks. telling the people I cared about made it harder to hold it in.

Yes, I shouldnt hold it in anyway and yes I would be upset and angry if I was in your shoes so Im sorry. I acted like an Idiot and I was selfish and well a Cow. I should of told you even if that meant an emotional breakdown.

I love you and I hope at some point you forgive me

just to clarify...

And just to clarify in my post on my new bucket list.



I basically mean In my life my Aim is to glorify God. In everything. I want him to come first and I only want to want my desires If they please God. Empty things are pointless.

I want God to come first so if such things dont please him. I want to be able to give them up joyfully.

If that makes more sense or less sense I dunno i understand it lol