"Before It's Too Late" goo goo dolls
I wander through fiction to look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies
and I stood at a distance
To feel who you are
Hiding myself in your eyes
And
hold on before it's too late
We'll run till we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
and the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you don't live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone
So live like you mean it
Love 'til you feel it
It's all that we need in our lives
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone
It's all that we need in our lives
It's all that I need in my life
these are the lyrics of one of my favourite songs. I just love them.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
Please ignore
So I have been trying to again copy Helen and write this stupid Quiz thing on Facebook called 25 things. Basically you write a list of 25 things people perhaps didn't know about you. I couldn't do One.
Im pretty sure this isn't down to the fact I talk about myself all the time and tell everyone all my secrets. I think it is because even I don't know them.
I know as you grow and mature you learn more and more about who you are as a person and about who you are in God. So I know I am loved. Im worth so much to him the fact He died for me. Pretty Painfully. so Im worth something and believing in him and loving him means that I have freedom from sin. I have freedom to be myself.
Because of my childhood, I put a face on. I do it so that I can be whatever people want me to be without really truely putting myself out there (without ever being Vunerable) because what happens if I take the mask off and the people who love the pretend rachel don't love the real one. Even If I wanted to take it off the problem is I dunno when Rachel begins and pretend Rachel ends.
Next year Im going to read this and do it again 9th of Feburary 2010
So this is my attempt. This is me If you hate me afterwards Im sorry that Im secretly and emotional wreck and I love you guys anyway. No Pretend Rachel, just me the true 25 things
1. I got beaten up pretty badly as a kid. It left me with a lot of insecurities but the truth is I always made it worse. I used to fight back. I get hit I would hit back. It never ended well. I never really talked about it as its something people hate hearing. I show off about being "tough" to avoid discussion about it.
2. The people I love deserve better than me
3. I would love to be one part of a marriage
4. I am a huge girl. I love flowers (tulips are my favourite)
5. Im Petrified of doing this. please dont comment it will freak me out
6. I make myself as busy as I can to avoid the hole in my heart
7. My bed is metal and when I got scared I used to curl up under it and put all the boxes around myself to hide
8. I hate Mice and Rats. There tails freak me out
9. I hate it when people grope me or hug/touch me without warning. It reminds me of worse times
10. I would be nothing without God. This is definate fact!!!!!
11. I act like an idiot 99% of the time
12. Im so close to crying right now its ridicluous. Im so beyond crap its unbelievable
13. I hate horror films. I used to like them but who wants to see someone tortured? what sort of person enjoys watching someone saw of his own leg?
14. Im petrified most the time when I am around other people. what are they thinking? is it uncomfortable? what do I say?
15. apparently I flirt with everyone although I have no idea how to flirt so I have no idea what I am doing. I thought flirting was like flicking your hair and trying to get the guys attention. I dont think I do that. I dunno how to flirt. I think I do it without realising it
16. My favourite place in the world is the road heading from Godmanchesterto Offord and you hit the big hill. You can see for miles. When the Sunsets its Beautiful.
17. I hate sitting still. Much prefer doing stuff
18. I hate TV. Its rubbish I love bones but thats it. Whats the point in it? General waste of time. I don't get pleasure or amusement out of it
19. I have an addiction to fruit juice
20. I pray that no one I know will turn out like me.
21. I miss the old times, with Chemaz and Geoff and the giggles
22. I hate it when people don't say I love you too back.
23. I got beaten up in September like before I went back to university. like I used too get beaten up. I didnt tell anyone except Emily.
24. I currently have 15 bruises on my body and 48 scars. (nice the fact I know that) I am bawling my eyes out.
25. I would love to be a mum.
So these are my 25 things, please dont comment It was very scary doing it.
Im pretty sure this isn't down to the fact I talk about myself all the time and tell everyone all my secrets. I think it is because even I don't know them.
I know as you grow and mature you learn more and more about who you are as a person and about who you are in God. So I know I am loved. Im worth so much to him the fact He died for me. Pretty Painfully. so Im worth something and believing in him and loving him means that I have freedom from sin. I have freedom to be myself.
Because of my childhood, I put a face on. I do it so that I can be whatever people want me to be without really truely putting myself out there (without ever being Vunerable) because what happens if I take the mask off and the people who love the pretend rachel don't love the real one. Even If I wanted to take it off the problem is I dunno when Rachel begins and pretend Rachel ends.
Next year Im going to read this and do it again 9th of Feburary 2010
So this is my attempt. This is me If you hate me afterwards Im sorry that Im secretly and emotional wreck and I love you guys anyway. No Pretend Rachel, just me the true 25 things
1. I got beaten up pretty badly as a kid. It left me with a lot of insecurities but the truth is I always made it worse. I used to fight back. I get hit I would hit back. It never ended well. I never really talked about it as its something people hate hearing. I show off about being "tough" to avoid discussion about it.
2. The people I love deserve better than me
3. I would love to be one part of a marriage
4. I am a huge girl. I love flowers (tulips are my favourite)
5. Im Petrified of doing this. please dont comment it will freak me out
6. I make myself as busy as I can to avoid the hole in my heart
7. My bed is metal and when I got scared I used to curl up under it and put all the boxes around myself to hide
8. I hate Mice and Rats. There tails freak me out
9. I hate it when people grope me or hug/touch me without warning. It reminds me of worse times
10. I would be nothing without God. This is definate fact!!!!!
11. I act like an idiot 99% of the time
12. Im so close to crying right now its ridicluous. Im so beyond crap its unbelievable
13. I hate horror films. I used to like them but who wants to see someone tortured? what sort of person enjoys watching someone saw of his own leg?
14. Im petrified most the time when I am around other people. what are they thinking? is it uncomfortable? what do I say?
15. apparently I flirt with everyone although I have no idea how to flirt so I have no idea what I am doing. I thought flirting was like flicking your hair and trying to get the guys attention. I dont think I do that. I dunno how to flirt. I think I do it without realising it
16. My favourite place in the world is the road heading from Godmanchesterto Offord and you hit the big hill. You can see for miles. When the Sunsets its Beautiful.
17. I hate sitting still. Much prefer doing stuff
18. I hate TV. Its rubbish I love bones but thats it. Whats the point in it? General waste of time. I don't get pleasure or amusement out of it
19. I have an addiction to fruit juice
20. I pray that no one I know will turn out like me.
21. I miss the old times, with Chemaz and Geoff and the giggles
22. I hate it when people don't say I love you too back.
23. I got beaten up in September like before I went back to university. like I used too get beaten up. I didnt tell anyone except Emily.
24. I currently have 15 bruises on my body and 48 scars. (nice the fact I know that) I am bawling my eyes out.
25. I would love to be a mum.
So these are my 25 things, please dont comment It was very scary doing it.
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Thoughts
Absolutely insanely cool. My dad just came downstaires with all these files and said he wanted to show me something. so i drag myself away from my addiction to facebook and had a look.
when he was younger he did a project and put together a scrap book of the infomation on the original man on the moon. the first one like ever. Yes I mean Neil Armstrong.
In this book there was bits from magazines and Newspapers about this amazing story. honestly I was so entranced in awe by the pictures im completely and utterly gob smacked. Its so interesting reading the original reports and infomation about the space shuttle and the moon. even the crew bio's are in there. WOW!!!!!!
He then got out another newpaper this one from 1912 costing one half penny. again WOW although it was not just any newspaper. Its the one on the titantic when it sunk!!! mouth on the ground!!! its the Daily Mail the whole paper (bar some sport bit at the back) is full of infomation about it. 900 crew members wifes still waiting for news. orginal pictures of captain and crew members. blue prints of the boat and infomation on what went wrong. I mean everything.
It got me thinking about the things I would keep the newspaper cuttings off and how the things in the world shape us whether we want them to or not and about time. Is it simply that we learn or is it that our ignorance and innocences move to something else.
Look at the World Wars we wouldn't let another Genocide like that happen . Now would we. oh but wait what about Rwanda and what happened there during the 1990's. (think it was 1994 but you may have to check) the Tutsis and the hutus are two seperate ethnic minoritys and yet the Hutus managed to kill 800,000 Tutsis's just because of there colour.
You might be thinking oh in england that wouldnt happen though bradford riots anyone (2003) or the racism there is towards Asian people here (Paki's) Maybe we aren't as different as we were back then.
We can look at the man on the moon as a step to discovery. what else have we yet to discover? we can look at titantic as a tragedy (although the engineering side of the vessel was outstanding for its time) or we can look at it as history. but is it does history seem to be repeating itself slightly? I dunno Im just rampling.
when he was younger he did a project and put together a scrap book of the infomation on the original man on the moon. the first one like ever. Yes I mean Neil Armstrong.
In this book there was bits from magazines and Newspapers about this amazing story. honestly I was so entranced in awe by the pictures im completely and utterly gob smacked. Its so interesting reading the original reports and infomation about the space shuttle and the moon. even the crew bio's are in there. WOW!!!!!!
He then got out another newpaper this one from 1912 costing one half penny. again WOW although it was not just any newspaper. Its the one on the titantic when it sunk!!! mouth on the ground!!! its the Daily Mail the whole paper (bar some sport bit at the back) is full of infomation about it. 900 crew members wifes still waiting for news. orginal pictures of captain and crew members. blue prints of the boat and infomation on what went wrong. I mean everything.
It got me thinking about the things I would keep the newspaper cuttings off and how the things in the world shape us whether we want them to or not and about time. Is it simply that we learn or is it that our ignorance and innocences move to something else.
Look at the World Wars we wouldn't let another Genocide like that happen . Now would we. oh but wait what about Rwanda and what happened there during the 1990's. (think it was 1994 but you may have to check) the Tutsis and the hutus are two seperate ethnic minoritys and yet the Hutus managed to kill 800,000 Tutsis's just because of there colour.
You might be thinking oh in england that wouldnt happen though bradford riots anyone (2003) or the racism there is towards Asian people here (Paki's) Maybe we aren't as different as we were back then.
We can look at the man on the moon as a step to discovery. what else have we yet to discover? we can look at titantic as a tragedy (although the engineering side of the vessel was outstanding for its time) or we can look at it as history. but is it does history seem to be repeating itself slightly? I dunno Im just rampling.
The Bucket List
Im blatently copying Helen here but I did mine a long time ago.
I have had the privledged of knowing some incredible people and have been blessed by having some of the most amazing experiences in the world already but I would love to some more so here is my list.
1. Throw a drink in someone's face (true chick flick style)
2. Take a gap year and spend it travelling and seeing the wonders of the world
3. Horseride across the Australian outback
4. Climb a mountain
5. Go on a tour around some key places in the new Testament
6. See England
7. Learn to play a musical instrument (more than 3 coards)
8. Go to Bible college
9. Get Married (yes, even I was surprised at that one)
10. See a Sunrise at the Grand Canyon
11. I want to (god willing) help someone (or some people) come to Christ
12. I want to learn how to make fish pie as good as my mums
13. Learn to snowboard
14.Bungee jump off of the Pacific NW Bridge in Washington State America
15. Go to a silent Disco
16. Go to a beach party and fall asleep under the stars listening to the waves
17. Go to Wales and eat surf and turf.
18. Fall in love
19. Find the point in wasps
20. Let somebody fall in love with me
21. Wear a pink dress
22. Learn a foreign language
23. have a dog
thats it for now I can edit it later!!!
I have had the privledged of knowing some incredible people and have been blessed by having some of the most amazing experiences in the world already but I would love to some more so here is my list.
1. Throw a drink in someone's face (true chick flick style)
2. Take a gap year and spend it travelling and seeing the wonders of the world
3. Horseride across the Australian outback
4. Climb a mountain
5. Go on a tour around some key places in the new Testament
6. See England
7. Learn to play a musical instrument (more than 3 coards)
8. Go to Bible college
9. Get Married (yes, even I was surprised at that one)
10. See a Sunrise at the Grand Canyon
11. I want to (god willing) help someone (or some people) come to Christ
12. I want to learn how to make fish pie as good as my mums
13. Learn to snowboard
14.Bungee jump off of the Pacific NW Bridge in Washington State America
15. Go to a silent Disco
16. Go to a beach party and fall asleep under the stars listening to the waves
17. Go to Wales and eat surf and turf.
18. Fall in love
19. Find the point in wasps
20. Let somebody fall in love with me
21. Wear a pink dress
22. Learn a foreign language
23. have a dog
thats it for now I can edit it later!!!
Thursday, 15 January 2009
To Helen
I realise other people can read this but I jsut wanted to say that I am so proud of you in the way you are dealing with all this. Im so grateful to know such a amazing person and even more blessed that I can say your my best friend. YOu have come so far and will continue to brighten up every room (and life) you walk into. xxxxxxxxxxxx
Tesco
So I felt it was important to tell everyone just how my new found friends (ST ives lot) are corrupting me and getting me to do very silly things!!!!!
so we went to Tesco's due to Macdonalds being shut (whats up with that) and the fact that frankie and bennies where closing so we had to leave as the menacing looks we were getting from the kitchen staff could have started a war.
So 24 hour tesco's it was.
I decided to sit on Petes bonnet (just messing around) and he started driving. He took the bend to sharp and I went flying. I mean like 6 foot flying in distance. I landed pretty smoothly on my butt but it was funny as anything. I ruined my shoe's as in the whole of the sole of my boots was attached by a thread. (walking was interesting) After my little adventure of being thrown from a car (was my fault but was well worth the pain for hilarious reasons) we decided to leave the carpark and actually go into tesco. me sitting in the middle of the road im sure wouldn't draw to much attention to us.
I realised how much of a godism it was the fact I changed my shoes over last minute. If I had been in my converses I would of snapped my ankle. (thank you God) I literally went home and swapped them over very last minute.
After that Kieran decided to swing of the beams in Tesco roof which was amusing in itself as me (being the evinqualent size of a hobbit) could barely reach them.
Kieran then got a trolley like vehicle (was something they stack food with but with wheels) and pushed me around in it. At this point we got kicked out and our adventures at Tesco came to an end.
The following Night after going to the cinema with my parents to go and see Australia (which I am in Love with. Hugh Jackman can teach me to run a cattle ranch anyday) I went back. here I was hoping to be banned or have my picture on a DO NOT SERVE sign. The security guard didn't even recognise me. how is that for modern security against vandals???????????
so we went to Tesco's due to Macdonalds being shut (whats up with that) and the fact that frankie and bennies where closing so we had to leave as the menacing looks we were getting from the kitchen staff could have started a war.
So 24 hour tesco's it was.
I decided to sit on Petes bonnet (just messing around) and he started driving. He took the bend to sharp and I went flying. I mean like 6 foot flying in distance. I landed pretty smoothly on my butt but it was funny as anything. I ruined my shoe's as in the whole of the sole of my boots was attached by a thread. (walking was interesting) After my little adventure of being thrown from a car (was my fault but was well worth the pain for hilarious reasons) we decided to leave the carpark and actually go into tesco. me sitting in the middle of the road im sure wouldn't draw to much attention to us.
I realised how much of a godism it was the fact I changed my shoes over last minute. If I had been in my converses I would of snapped my ankle. (thank you God) I literally went home and swapped them over very last minute.
After that Kieran decided to swing of the beams in Tesco roof which was amusing in itself as me (being the evinqualent size of a hobbit) could barely reach them.
Kieran then got a trolley like vehicle (was something they stack food with but with wheels) and pushed me around in it. At this point we got kicked out and our adventures at Tesco came to an end.
The following Night after going to the cinema with my parents to go and see Australia (which I am in Love with. Hugh Jackman can teach me to run a cattle ranch anyday) I went back. here I was hoping to be banned or have my picture on a DO NOT SERVE sign. The security guard didn't even recognise me. how is that for modern security against vandals???????????
Monday, 12 January 2009
Boredom
Being a christian can you ever be bored of life? I mean can you ever get fed up of living each day the same way. I wouldnt mind an adventure now and again. I spent so long asking for free time and now I have it I have no idea what to do with it. I spent so long asking for it and now Im complaining because I cant think of anything I want to do. typical isnt it!!!
I love my life and I love God but I just wonder having free time is interesting isnt it. I mean what we end up doing in it. I paint or draw or chill out with God. Some people watch TV or sleep
Something else I was thinking about earlier was how things change. I cant believe it was a year ago (roughly) when I was still at carphone and everything was so different. I love how everyday brings new opportunitys and a new chance to start afreash. Gods smart like that isnt he.
Oh really dumb here but in a world where success is rewarded down to sports, or intelligence. its pretty cool to think that GOd made both of those things. he made sports and all the knowledge that is possible. He is the smartest. Whats master mind to him? lol
Can anyone tell Im bored out of mind.
I have decided to drop out of the art competition im in. I dont really want it and Im stopping people who have amazing talent from reaching there dreams. It doesnt really seem fair especially when I am not really that bothered by it. I dunno its just something i have been thinking about viewpoints would be good!!!
I love my life and I love God but I just wonder having free time is interesting isnt it. I mean what we end up doing in it. I paint or draw or chill out with God. Some people watch TV or sleep
Something else I was thinking about earlier was how things change. I cant believe it was a year ago (roughly) when I was still at carphone and everything was so different. I love how everyday brings new opportunitys and a new chance to start afreash. Gods smart like that isnt he.
Oh really dumb here but in a world where success is rewarded down to sports, or intelligence. its pretty cool to think that GOd made both of those things. he made sports and all the knowledge that is possible. He is the smartest. Whats master mind to him? lol
Can anyone tell Im bored out of mind.
I have decided to drop out of the art competition im in. I dont really want it and Im stopping people who have amazing talent from reaching there dreams. It doesnt really seem fair especially when I am not really that bothered by it. I dunno its just something i have been thinking about viewpoints would be good!!!
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